


Absence

by cherrychan



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Flashbacks, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi Being an Asshole, M/M, but soonyoung has a big heart ok, chan bein a cutie shy boi, hinted meanie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-11-03 21:06:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17885222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrychan/pseuds/cherrychan
Summary: Chan never thought he would see Soonyoung again. After an anticlimactic yet hurtful breakup, they were thousands of miles separated. Until one day, Soonyoung popped back into Chan's life, asking him of something huge, and Chan is overwhelmingly conflicted.





	1. return

**Author's Note:**

> while this could be read as a sequel to my previous work Amusement Park, it is not official, it is independent, and can be read either way. 
> 
> Several of the beginnings of the chapters will have some sort of flashback, which will be in italics.

_“This isn’t what I want.”_

_“Don’t contact me again.”_

***

 

Dancing between the tables, damp cloth in hand, Chan spun, diligently wiping down each one. He hummed along quietly to the music on the radio on a cold February afternoon, his mind clear of any nettlesome troubles. He heard his coworker singing loudly yet pleasantly back in the kitchen and let out a small laugh while returning to his post behind the counter.

Snow was falling in blankets outside the warm breakfast diner, leaving the establishment virtually empty spare a few kids playing games together on their handhelds. They had finished eating over an hour ago, but Chan enjoyed the extra company. He approached them, taking their empty cups to refill. While he brought their drinks back, he saw his coworker prancing into the dining room with a sandwich.

“I’m taking my break early since it’s dead,” the coworker justified.

“What’re you drinking?” Chan asked, facing the fountain drinks.

“Diet Coke.”

Chan swiftly brought his friend the drink and sat down next to him with his own. Although, moments later, the bell sounded, signaling a new customer. Without hesitation, Chan stood up and patted down his apron, glaring towards the front door.

“Welco—”

He couldn’t believe his eyes.

No, that isn’t him. There’s no way he could be here.

But the shape of his eyes…the way his flows…those full lips…it was unmistakable.

“Soonyoung?” Chan choked, sure that his mind was playing tricks on him.

The stranger smiled, and when he saw his round teeth, there was no way it could have been anyone else.

“Is that really you?” Chan questioned, more to himself than anyone else.

He took a step closer to the stranger, in utter disbelief. The stranger, on the other hand, was beaming with joy. Several images of memories flashed in Chan’s mind, both delightful and heartbreaking.

“I thought I might see you here,” Soonyoung said.

“Wow, it’s been so long.”

Chan was astonished. It was akin to seeing a dolphin in the middle of a desert. _What is he doing here?_

Soonyoung opened up his arms in invitation for a hug, and Chan reluctantly accepted. In his embrace, he felt an onrush of memories, making him light-headed. So many conflicting feelings made a war in his head and he stepped away from Soonyoung.

“What brings you here? Wait, take a seat first and I’ll bring you a drink,” he fumbled, rushing back to the kitchen for a breath.

_Why is he here? Why did he have to come here?_

_I never thought I’d see him again._

Taking a deep breath in attempt to coax himself, Chan rubbed his sweaty palms on his white apron. He spun around to walk out of the door but instead got it pushed into his body as his coworker skeptically entered the kitchen. A panicked Chan stepped back, his eyes wide as he glared into his friend’s eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“Josh…” Chan started, gazing out the door’s window frantically. “That’s my ex.”

“Do I need to kick him out?”

“No, that’s not necessary. I just need to regain some composure… I never thought I would see him again.”

“Was that a good thing?” Josh asked, trying to grip some sort of understanding.

“Yes… Well, no. Actually—”

“I understand now,” Josh put his hands on Chan’s shoulders. “You’ll be fine. And if not, I’m here, and I’m not afraid to throw hands.”

Chan smiled and nodded, stepping back out into the dining room, his hand over his heart, feeling it beat against his fingers, yearning for it to slow down.

“Sorry about that, what can I get you to drink?”

“Just water is fine,” Soonyoung replied. Hearing that voice again felt inexplicably familiar and alien at the same time.

Chan placed the drink in front of Soonyoung and sat down across from him.

“So, what brings you here?”

“I wanted to see you,” Soonyoung replied frankly.

His heart showed no signs of slowing, and he couldn’t keep his palms from sweating profusely. Soonyoung’s dark eyes were so fantastically alluring, his big lips seductive as ever. And they were here for _him_.

“Well, I’m here,” Chan laughed awkwardly, unable to maintain eye contact.

“Chan,” Soonyoung reached out his hand, “I’ve really missed you. I’ve known for so long that the first thing I was going to do once I graduated was to come see you.”

Glaring at Soonyoung’s hand, pondering how unwelcoming it appeared, he wasn’t buying Soonyoung’s act. He was an absolute master of words and could use his talent to get anything he wanted.

“You certainly didn’t have that mindset when we were still together,” Chan uttered loudly enough for Soonyoung to hear, yet still failing to look into those mysterious black eyes.

Soonyoung sighed in disappointment. “You must understand why things happened the way they did.”

“I don’t understand, Soonyoung, why cheating on me seemed like a logical and viable option,” Chan shockingly stood his ground, breaking his own expectations of his behavior.

“Chan, that’s my biggest regret in my entire life. Please hear me, I would never do that to you again in a million lifetimes,” Soonyoung pleaded.

With all his strength, Chan looked into the eyes of his ex. “I want you to leave me alone.”

Soonyoung opened his mouth to speak, but no words came. He stood up and made his way to the door. Chan’s gaze remained still, on the clean tabletop.

“I’ll be back, Chan,” were Soonyoung’s final words before closing the diner’s door behind him.

Chan was shaking. The last group of young customers departed, leaving Chan and Josh alone in the diner. Josh joined him in the dining room, taking the seat next to him.

“Don’t worry about him,” his friend consoled him, rubbing his back gently.

Chan didn’t hear Josh. He couldn’t have, because he was lost in his head, relaying every happy and painful memory of Soonyoung back.

 

 

Later, when Chan’s shift was over. He trudged through the dismal snowy landscape, regretting not wearing a bigger scarf. His nose felt like an ice cube.

When he finally made it to his dorm, he walked in and set his backpack and shoes on the floor and let the large metal door shut behind him. He peered upward to find his roommate Jimin sitting lazily on the couch, wrapped up in every blanket in the dorm, game controller in hand, playing video games on his PS4.

“How was work?” Jimin asked, his gaze remaining on the television.

“Soonyoung showed up,” said Chan bluntly, taking a rest next to Jimin on the couch.

Jimin paused the game, glaring at him with a wildly confused countenance. “Soonyoung, like _your ex_ Soonyoung?”

Chan nodded wordlessly, an expression of inner turmoil on his face.

“W—What the heck is he doing here? Isn’t he supposed to be off at some fancy university far away?”

“He graduated last semester. And he said he’s here for me.”

“That’s crazy. You think he wants to get back together?”

“It sounds like it,” said he disappointedly.

“Are you going to tell Brian?”

Silence enveloped Chan.

“Chan, you have to tell Brian!” Jimin exclaimed.

“Brian doesn’t have to know!”

“Your current boyfriend doesn’t have to know that your ex-boyfriend showed up completely unsolicited with plans to get back together with you?”

“Exactly!” Chan shouted, on the verge of tears. “I didn’t ask for any of this.” He covered his face with his hands.

Jimin moved the blankets so that they covered them both and gave him a hug.

“I won’t let him hurt you,” said Jimin, rocking his friend back and forth.

“Jimin…”

“Yeah?”

“You can’t even manage to protect yourself against boys who break _your_ heart!”

“Don’t bring him into this! I swear, he has good intentions!”

Chan sniffled, pulling his friend tight.

“Jimin?”

“Yes?”

“Can we play Mario Kart?”

“Yes, Chan. I’ll go get the other controller.”


	2. care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chan goes about a normal day in his life, with an added sprinkle of an uninvited soonyoung

_Sitting peacefully on a bench in the warm sunlight, Chan patiently awaited Soonyoung’s arrival. He shut his eyes and focused his attention on the pleasant rays of sun splashing onto his tan skin._

_Not after long, he heard the sound of tires slowly rolling across pavement and peered ahead of him to see his joy sitting excitedly in the car, gesturing for him to join._

_Upon soaking in the view of his partner, Chan was hopelessly lost in thought. Soonyoung always looked so ethereal in the sunshine—he became the light. His dark brown, almost black hair would glisten, his tan skin would glow, and his beaming smile would allure your eyes like a beautiful work of art._

_Chan sat down in the vehicle and Soonyoung turned the loud music down._

_“I have great news!” Soonyoung could barely contain his excitement._

_“What is it?”_

_“I got a response from that dance school! Chan, I’m going to be a professional dancer and choreographer!”_

_Chan was speechless. That dance school was in New York City, in a wholly different time-zone, beyond the barrier of commutability. He would only see Soonyoung on the holidays. Could Chan manage that?_

_“Oh,” was all Chan could muster._

_The last thing Chan wanted to do was hinder his shining lover from following his dreams—dreams that were almost as bright as he was—but Chan couldn’t wrap his head around how they would make their relationship work. Chan’s best friend in the whole world, someone he could confide in about any matter, his comfort, his supporter, his lover, would be thousands of miles away._

_Soonyoung gave him a questioning glare._

_“That’s great, really!” Chan said with somewhat enthusiasm. “I’m just worried about what will happen to us.”_

_“I knew you were going to be worried about that. But I promise, we’ll be fine,” Soonyoung brushed off the matter without a second thought._

_Chan was yearning to believe that statement, but he couldn’t bring himself to find comfort Soonyoung’s words. He had no intention of arguing about it, knowing completely that it wouldn’t reap any change. This was Soonyoung’s dream, and Chan hadn’t seen any one else work as nearly hard as Soonyoung had to achieve this acceptance. And the dance school in New York was certainly a prestigious one._

_So, for now, Chan pretended to find solace in Soonyoung’s reassurance, only for Soonyoung’s sake._

***

 

In the bustling kitchen, Chan slipped his apron and his nametag on and jogged into the dining room, helping to divide the work between him and the other barista, Kim.

It was a Sunday morning, when they were by far the busiest. Chan struggled to hastily tend to each empty table to take the towers of dirty dishes back to the kitchen, and then wipe off the tabletops so that the elongated lines of customers waiting for tables could shorten. While carrying one particular tower of ceramic plates and mugs, he nearly knocked down his tall coworker, Mingyu, who was carrying an equally heavy tray of food from the kitchen.

“Whoa, watch out shorty,” Mingyu teased while passing by. Chan stuck out his tongue in mockery before heading into the kitchen. While in there, he caught a glimpse Josh fast at work, taking care of several pans of frying food at once.

Without any time to spare, he had to then return to the tables he’d just cleaned off to take the orders of the newly arrived customers, then relay that back to the two cooks in the back (if they’re in the back, as opposed to being busy taking food out into the dining room).

At some point amid the chaos, Chan peered over towards Kim and saw her taking the order of a familiar face. Soonyoung was here again, and it filled Chan with rage.

_Seriously? Coming to see me during the busiest hours? He couldn’t spare me the simple convenience of having one less person to serve?_

Chan stomped back into the kitchen to complain to his coworkers, however as soon as he stepped in, Josh handed him a tray of food to take to a table, and he was shut down as he had to get back to work.

 _If I just busy myself enough, maybe I won’t have to deal with him at all and he’ll leave_ , Chan thought in naivety to himself.

Twenty minutes had passed when, after he had just finished taking dirty dishes into the kitchen, Kim pulled him aside and whispered into his ear, “Hey, you see that guy sitting at the counter? He’s cute, isn’t he?”

Chan glared at the boy, his ex, someone he once loved more than words could convey, and recognized his beauty, even though he didn’t want to. He wanted to scream at Kim, but she blamelessly had no way of knowing what exactly she was doing to Chan. He broke his gaze and replied indifferently, “Go give him your number.”

“Whaaaaat? Nooooo,” Kim giggled, blushing, staring straight at Soonyoung, who was simply looking off, having finished his meal.

“Do it,” Chan smiled encouragingly, actually wanting to see what would happen.

“Chan!” Mingyu yelled from the kitchen, giving him a stellar reason to leave the dining room.

When Chan entered, Mingyu gestured to the gargantuan piles of dirty dishes in and around the sinks. “It’s starting to slow down out there, so when you get a minute can you start the loads of dishes?”

Holding back the compelling temptation to mock Mingyu’s lisp in the most exaggerated manner, Chan nodded wordlessly and began to do the dishes without hesitation. Shortly after, Kim came in, Soonyoung’s dishes in hand. She set them in the sink and said ecstatically to Chan, “I flirted with him! I asked, ‘What’s a handsome man like you doing getting breakfast alone?’ and he said the strangest thing! He said that he’s here to see you! Could you imagine that?!” Kim said with a sarcastic excitement before angrily storming out. In response, he chuckled. Somehow, Soonyoung’s presence had brought some semblance of joy. He thought that now the least he could do in return would be to finally give him the attention he so desperately craved, and maybe if he got it, he’ll leave.

Chan stepped out into the dining room and approached Soonyoung. “How can I help you today?”

“I just like seeing you,” Soonyoung smiled genuinely.

Chan wasn’t amused.

He shot Soonyoung an unhappy glare, pen and paper still in hand, waiting for him to spit out an order so he could just get back to work and not have to look into those sparkling eyes like obsidian.

Not daring to break the tense eye contact, Soonyoung picked up his empty mug and waved it towards Chan. “You can go refill this. Black coffee.”

Struggling to not roll his eyes in annoyance, he took the mug and shuffled to the coffee maker where Kim was standing. She teased—all too loudly— “You’re blushing.”  

Shortly after, Soonyoung had perhaps taken the hint that he wasn’t wanted there, and had departed, along with the majority of the other remaining customers. Once it got slow enough, the four workers gathered by the counter.

“So,” Kim vexed with a sly smile, “Why don’t you fill us in on who that guy was?”

Mingyu smirked, eager to be filled in on all the details of this new, mysterious part of Chan’s life, whom had previously seemed beyond ordinary. Josh, on the other hand, seemed nervous by their pestering.

“Chan don’t feel like you have to tell them anything you don’t want to,” said Josh consolingly.

“Pff, don’t listen to him. We need to know! If this is becoming a work-related issue, we must be informed!” said Kim only half-jokingly.

“He’s my ex.”

“Why’d you break up?” asked Mingyu, careless of his prodding.

“He was thousands of miles away…” Chan stared at the ground. “And he cheated on me.”

“Oh, if he dares to show his face in here again—”

“No, Kim, it’s fine,” Chan sighed. “That was like two years ago.”

“What do you think of him now?” Mingyu asked.

Chan hesitated before replying, as a result of how utterly conflicted he was about the situation, “I… I mean, I don’t think he’s _good_. But…” Chan trailed off, not wanting to say the words aloud that he perhaps likes _a little bad_ _._ “He seems genuine in his desires for me.”

“Well, you obviously know him way better than we do, so I say you do what feels right,” said Mingyu, heading back to the kitchen to gather his things. Their shifts were about over, and the afternoon workers were starting to show up.

Chan hung his apron and headed back to the dorms to get ready for a date he had with his boyfriend Brian. When he got there, he had shockingly stumbled upon a rare sight when entering the bedroom: Jimin, squared away doing his homework. He was then determined to refrain from distracting him.

Soon, Brian picked him up and took him out to lunch. While Chan sat across from him, he studied the man’s features, trying to admire them, but there was something about Brian today that Chan didn’t find romantically attractive. The man was tall, and he practically towered over Chan. He was handsome, clean-cut, and extremely mature. They weren’t bad together by any means, however the past couple days—or was it months?—Chan felt tired of their relationship, like how old shoes eventually get worn out to the point of having to throw them away.

They met at a costume party last Halloween, in which Chan was dressed as Sheik, and Brian was dressed as Link, and they ended up chatting that entire night. Chan never thought himself awfully infatuated with him, if he was being honest. Brian was attractive and exceedingly intelligent, and he treated Chan with much care, but somewhere along the way, Chan didn’t connect with him completely.

When Chan _really_ thought about it, the reason he initially agreed to be his boyfriend, it was so that he could forget Soonyoung.

“Chan?” Brian asked, snapping him out of his stupor.

“Hm?”

“I asked if there’s anything new with you.”

“Oh. Hmm,” Chan feigned deep thought. “Not anything worth mentioning.”

“Oh, really? You usually always have something to say.”

“No, it’s really just been the usual business lately, nothing new,” he lied. “School is hard, work is hard, and I’m struggling to stay afloat like normal.”

Brian never failed to show authentic care in how Chan was faring. Chan did feel bad for never returning the favor and generally treating Brian badly, but—even though he hated admitting this—he simply didn’t _care_ enough to put in the effort into treating him better, and this made him deeply shameful.

After lunch, he was back in the dorm, sitting at his desk with his homework piled on top, drawing little doodles of Soonyoung’s face on his math notes.


	3. enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chan has a very rough day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update--i was busy writing two soonchan oneshots, one of which i posted called "truth or dare" and another one that's more angsty that i wrote 80% of it before giving up because i didn't really like it at all :/// maybe i'll post it sometime in the future idk

_Chan glared grievously at the ceiling, the hours until Soonyoung’s departure now in the single digits. They had joyfully spent the majority of the summer together, and now it was coming to a close in early August._

_It was past midnight when the couple were laying together on Soonyoung’s bed and enjoying the slight warm breeze flow in from the windows. Beside the bed were several suitcases packed and waiting for Soonyoung to take them away. Soonyoung, however, was half-asleep, his hand loosely gripped around Chan’s. Chan was left to his thoughts._

Nights like these won’t exist anymore for years. I will no longer have the simple pleasure of holding his hand while he sleeps, or to make him laugh when he needs it. If we are even half as busy as we were with last semester’s work load, we’ll barely have time to talk, and that’s not even considering the difference in time-zones. How is there any guarantee of us staying together under those circumstances?

_Chan wallowed in these thoughts until tears streamed from his eyes. He made no effort to stop the harmful thoughts—he didn’t suppose he had the strength to._

_Soonyoung awoke at the sound of the first sob to rush out of Chan’s mouth, and he pulled him close. He didn’t bother to ask the younger’s reason for crying. Recently, this behavior from Chan was unfortunately typical._

_Soonyoung rocked Chan back and forth, humming the tune of their favorite song, and gently playing with his hair._

_“We’ve been through so much, you think I’ll just let you go? You think that just because there will be some distance means that I won’t love you anymore?” Soonyoung asked in an attempt to comfort him. “I’ve told you before, and I’ll tell you now: I have no problem waiting for you. I don’t care how long it takes for me to have someone as special as you are.”_

_Between sobs, Chan choked out, “We won’t be able to talk!”_

_“I promise you, we will text every day and call every night. It will be hard, but I know that we can do it.”_

_“How can you just promise that?”_

_“Because I love you.”_

_Soonyoung held him for a long time; until his tears gradually stopped flowing, and they experienced some hours of relative peace until it was time for Soonyoung to finally leave to pursue his dream, away from Chan._

 

—

 

Chan searched hectically through his backpack to find the paper that was currently due for one of his classes, but to no avail. A feeling of terror set in as he recalled exactly where it was: on his desk back at his dorm. He texted Jimin furiously, hoping that he had accidentally slept in or consciously chose to skip his 8:00AM class today and could run him the paper, but the lack of quick response pointed to him actually attending his class today. _Of all days to not skip class Jimin…_

Being the only one without a paper to turn in, he felt humiliated. At best he would get half-credit for it, if any points at all. He had worked so hard on it too, having stayed up late the previous night to finish and revise it.

After dragging himself to his next class, he was reminded of the impending due date of the rough draft for his final thesis. Between his other homework assignments and his job, he’d barely even started it yet. Now, it was so close to being due that he was sure he wouldn’t be able to put in the hard effort that it required, and it would cost him his grade. In his head he tried to calculate just how many hours of sleep he would have to forfeit to finish it.

After that class, he was given the details on the next test for his math class that he would for sure need to get a tutor for. He was falling so far behind in math that he felt utterly defeated the moment he heard about the test, and seeing how everyone else around him was excelling was a slap in the face.

Not to mention all of the impending duties he would have to fulfill as a senior in his last semester of college in the upcoming months. At that moment he didn’t feel any semblance of preparedness for.  Plus, all of the other homework assignments, readings, and papers whose deadlines were also approaching.

Chan was drowning.

Later, he was called into work for an evening shift to help out since the evening barista was sick. He figured that that would give him time to do some homework since the evenings at the breakfast diner were usually unbearably slow.

For the first hour or so, only a few customers came in, which helped Chan get some readings out of the way. However, towards the end of his shift, a family came in for dinner. Chan took their orders and relayed them to the unfamiliar cooks in the back, and not after long he took the plates to their table. As he was walking away from the table, he heard the mother of the family dramatically gasp in horror.

Chan turned around to see the mother staring in disgust at her plate before sending Chan perhaps one of the scariest glares he had ever received in his life.

“Uh, is something wrong, ma’am?”

“Yes! My bacon is almost burnt to a crisp! And these pancakes look way undercooked.”

Chan gazed at her plate, shaken up by this lady’s harsh shouting, and seeing bacon that didn’t look burnt at all, and pancakes that appeared perfectly normal. Meanwhile, the rest of the family were silent as an empty house.

“Well! Don’t just stand there! Fix it!” she spat.

He knew exactly what game she was playing. The family probably couldn’t afford the entire meal, so they had to resort to demanding for free food. Nevertheless, getting yelled at like that certainly didn’t make Chan happy.  

Speechlessly, he picked up her plate and walked back to the kitchen, where he immediately proceeded to break down in tears as he set the plate on the counter.  

The cooks came to his aid, asking what was wrong, but they couldn’t get an answer as he was wracked with sobs. Chan was extremely embarrassed to be crying not only at work, but in front of a whole bunch of coworkers he barely knew. Working the morning shift, Chan deals with angry customers all the time. The coworkers would probably think that he can’t even handle one angry customer without crying, and they couldn’t possibly know that it was so much more than that.

Chan would have cried even if school was the only problem, but it wasn’t. Not only did he carry the heavy burden of a fourth-year college student, but he also carried the burden of being in a loveless relationship that he only got into originally because his heart was broken by the same person that’s now vying to get it back.

One of the two cooks went to the dining room to assess the situation while the other one stayed at Chan’s side, trying in vain to console him.

He knew that the end was in sight, that his graduation was steadily approaching. Unfortunately, that didn’t make him feel better. He was overwhelmed in school but being out of school forever and having real responsibilities was far more daunting.

Chan couldn’t catch a break from his anxieties, and he recognized that fact as he lay crumbled on the floor, gasping for breath in between sobs.

―

Needless to say, Chan ended his shift early that day. He dragged himself back to the dorms with puffy eyes and a fractured spirit. The room was quiet when he entered, and he went in the bedroom and set all his things on the floor, peeled off his work pants, and crawled into bed. Turning on his side, he saw Jimin laying in his own bed, scrolling on his phone.

“How was it?” Jimin asked.

Chan was silent as he pondered if any string of words could express exactly _how it was_.

Jimin nonchalantly proceeded to prod the younger for information until Chan gave in, then the elder comforted him and devised a plan for the evening to cope with their shared stresses. Jimin called it the Playing-Video-Games-And-Doing-Homework-Station-Alternation-Extravanganza, and it entailed alternating between furiously doing homework for an hour and then playing video games for half an hour until early in the morning.

To Chan’s surprise, it actually worked. He got several assignments done easily with the promise of video games being ample motivation. He did lose some sleep in the process, but he figured one night of lost sleep was preferable over putting off assignments for any longer.

At precisely two in the morning, the duo was wrapping up their last round of Mario-Kart when Chan muttered more to himself than Jimin, “I want to talk to Soonyoung.”

“Hm?”

He repeated louder, “I wanna talk to Soonyoung. I kinda miss him.”

“Dude, it’s like two in the morning. You’re not thinking straight.”

“I know but I bet you if I call him right now he’ll answer.”

“I thought you kinda hated him?”

“I do, but like, he gives me attention, so I basically adore him for that.”

“So you’re telling me you just want him for the attention he gives you?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, fine. I can’t judge you for that.”

Getting that nudge from Jimin was all Chan needed to ignore the thoughts in his head telling him all the reasons why he shouldn’t call his ex at this ungodly hour, and to dial in his number and hit call.

It rang only a couple times before Chan heard the voice of the elder on the other line, “Hey.”

Chan smiled, “Hey.”

“What’s up? Everything okay?”

“Well, kind of. Today was really hard.”

“Why don’t you tell me about it?”

Chan opened up to Soonyoung and told him in depth about his troubles and they engaged in a deep conversation for over an hour. Chan learned that Soonyoung was in the middle of practicing a dance when he called, but picked up his phone without a second thought. It was these things about Soonyoung that Chan both adored and hated him for. He adored it because it made him feel special that Soonyoung would just stop everything to talk to him, but he hated it because all he could think was _Oh, so he can stop what he’s doing now, but couldn’t when he was in a relationship with me_. He was reminded that their past would be a big hindrance on any future solid friendship.

In the end, when Chan was falling asleep, Soonyoung offered to take him out the next day. Even through Chan’s daze of consciousness, he managed to pull himself together enough to give the elder a hard no. He enjoyed talking to Soonyoung, but he hadn’t forgotten the intense pain that he’d put him through.

Ultimately, Chan fell asleep with Soonyoung still on the line, bringing a peaceful sleep for the few hours he got to enjoy it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> correct me if I'm wrong but i don't think ao3 has any kind of direct messaging feature, and i really wanna make friends on here, so if you wanna be my pal email me at ao3.cherrychan@gmail.com and i'll give you my phone number to text :))) thx <3


End file.
